saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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