I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
please come you make the beer taste better
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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