butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
