So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
