she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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