i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
