Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize