Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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