he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
