so explain again why im purple
no
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
