I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
