You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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