Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
