I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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