Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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