sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't turn off my feet"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
