My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
