i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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