so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
