dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
