So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Holy shit dude........stairs
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
