in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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