Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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