my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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