nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
