Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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