I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
