My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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