He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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