I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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