well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
