No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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