maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
