I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
there is puke in my bra ... again
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