I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
