I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
