I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
