She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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