i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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