btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
