yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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