I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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