Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
FUCK WHALES
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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