He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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