is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
