all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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