loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
