Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
