eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
