So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
