oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
