when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
