I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
