i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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