Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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