grandma shit on top of the toilet
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
