Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize