You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
