I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize