you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
