first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
