You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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