My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
