It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
