I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
