we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
