so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
