Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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