I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
