just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
