I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
