I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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