dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
