He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
