I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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