I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
